If you thought Sharknado was scary, try these on for size

By Caitlin Booth

I’ve been thinking about Sharknado (it’s been a slow week, I’ve had some time to kill). And I know sharks are pretty scary, but they kind of have to be in their element to be truly terrifying.

Like, sharks don’t have limbs, right, so they can’t really grab hold of you, or pin you down once they’ve been freed from the whirling vortex of air they’ve somehow found themselves in. As long as you avoid the teethy end, you could probably just roll them right off you.

Not to mention, they can’t survive out of the ocean for very long. As an opponent that has any longevity in a fight to the death, they’re not really a HUGE threat if they’re dead on arrival.

So, I’ve been ruminating on some other Animalnados that would be truly terrifying. Let’s start with Slugnado. I hear you scoffing on the other side of the screen, but stay with me. Yes, slugs are small and easily squished. But, imagine them en masse and whirling around you uncontrollably. You’re definitely ending up with at least a few in your ear and nose holes.

And then imagine all of the fallen slugs, discarded on the ground. Now imagine trying to escape the airborne gastropods whilst trying not to slip on those bad boys underfoot. I’m dry retching just thinking about it.

If the slippery little guys aren’t quite imposing enough for your scary-scale, let’s up the size a little, but stick with a similar shape – Dachshundnado. So, now you’re thinking I’m crazy because dogs are cute and cuddly, particularly the Instagram favourite, the Sausage Dog. Well, I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but Dachshunds are up there with Scar and Shere Khan when it comes to formidable foes.

We all remember that story from May 2018 where a lady was mauled to death by her neighbour’s pack of dachshund-cross dogs right? And a study, published in the journal Applied Animal Behaviour Science pits the elongated breed as being the most aggressive of the domesticated species.

Sharp little claws and snappy teeth combined with a poor attitude and torpedo-like build makes for one pretty bloody terrifying prospect. If they’re not flying at your head, they’re snapping at your ankles and you better believe as soon as you’re on the ground in the little fellas’ territory, it’s game over.

How scary are those sharks really looking now?