Internet Stalking. We all do it. But, how much is too much?

By Caitlin Booth

So, you’re having a cheeky Sunday night swipe and just matched with a Big Time Babe on Bumble. From BTB’s five carefully curated pictures you can tell that they like animals, have an interest in pizza and recently went travelling – not a huge point of difference from all of the other bees in the hive. But, they’re above average on the attractive scale, work in a similar industry to you and their bio was funny enough that you actually laughed out loud, so you’re on board.

Maintaining conversation on dating apps can be fatiguing though, so you decide to do a little bit more stalking before you commit to the banter game. You need a surname to complete a proper stalk so first port of call is LinkedIn, obviously.

You scare yourself with how easy it is to find someone with just their first name, job description and city as starting points. But, there they are, BTB, last name and current company for the world to see. Result!

Time to try your luck on Instagram. How many BTB Smiths can there possibly be?

Apparently, a lot. The general search has not paid off, so it’s time for a more aggressive strategy – The Company Instagram.

You plug BTB Smith into The Company’s followers in bingo! Only one BTB Smith and hallelujah their profile is public. Before you know it, you’re two years deep on BTB’s best friend’s profile, deeply riveted by their extensive exploration of Eastern Europe. You realise you’re off track and return to BTB’s profile.

Just as you’re entering deep 2012, when anyone nearing thirty was making the poorest drinking and haircut choices of their (sort of) adult life, your housemate startles you by accidentally slamming a door. You flinch. You almost drop your phone. As you fumble with it, the unthinkable happens- you double tap the picture of BTB, lips locked with a distant ex on February 14, 2012.

You panic. You hastily unlike the photo. In your fluster you accidentally tap the unlike button too rapidly and like it again.

Why is this happening? Is it some weird cosmic karma for thoroughly investigating a complete stranger and preemptively judging them on an over-share of various ramen they’ve consumed?

Unsure if BTB has even noticed your super creep, you unmatch on Bumble out of the potential for immense shame and remind yourself that maybe going in with a little mystery is okay. And anyway, you should have learnt your lesson when your last date mentioned their sister’s new kitten and your response was an enthusiastic “Oh, it’s so cute!’ A normal response, except for the fact that your date wasn’t showing you a picture at the time; it was just a large portion of your pre-date stalk session…