The Dating App Dilemma
By Caitlin Booth for Daily Play
The paralysis of choice is all around us. From ordering Uber eats to picking a toothpaste, we spend our days making a load of choices that ultimately have zero real consequences. Our dating lives feel no different.
Thousands of singles, couples, experimenters, and other, are accessible in our pockets, with countless platforms on which to find them. But which app is right for you?
Tinder
Let’s start with the OG Smartphone app. Strictly reserved for Friday and Saturday nights when bad decisions are encouraged, this app is a surefire way to find yourself waking up in an apartment you’re never going to see again, next to someone you don’t even remember swiping right on.
The fast food of dating apps, Tinder provides you with a cheeky cheeseburger to satisfy the late night grumbling in your alcohol-drenched stomach. Like fast food, your brain chemicals get over excited about the salt and sugar about to hit your system, but the pay off is short and dissatisfying; the cheeseburger is always too small. Consume with caution.
Bumble
This app was born out of the tidal wave of unsolicited d*ck pics that came with Tinder. Designed to weed out the Pigeons from the Peregrines, Bumble puts the power in the hands of the women to start the chat and is geared more towards sparking a relationship.
Used on Sunday evenings or on bathroom breaks at work, detailed profiles allow you to avoid that hectic Scorpio energy you’ve been stung by before.
Heads up, daily notifications appear on your home screen, featuring positive affirmations that you have to be in it to win it, but mostly just reminding you that you’re still single. Thanks, Bumble.
Happn
This app is for anyone out there hoping to track down that Big Time Babe (BTB) that shares your commute to work. You’ve already deduced that they read the New Yorker online every day, so therefore they are worthy of your ongoing affection, but standing silently and concerningly close to them is not getting you anywhere.
Hitting on someone in the real world is an extinct exercise, so, short of spilling your cappuccino all over BTB in a grab for attention, you turn to Happn. Using a location-based metric, Happn hooks you up with other users in your immediate vicinity.
After your silent but steamy commute with BTB, you can trawl through the app in the hopes of finding them and initiating your preconceived love story in a socially acceptable manner.