Decrypting your coffee habit

By Caitlin Booth

These days there is an overwhelming array of choices when it comes to your caffeinated pick-me up. From the classic drip coffee to a three-quarter, decaf, oat- milk flat white, the options are endless and coffee has become an extension of our personalities more than ever.

So, what does your coffee say about you?

The Single Espresso – This person is no nonsense, straight to the point and
efficient. They’re around for a good time, not a long time. Probably knows how to have fun, but is never the instigator.

The Double Espresso – This person is probably type A. They probably Marie Kondoed their towel drawer way before Marie Kondo was even published.

The Strong Cappuccino – This person is unapologetically busy and important, but likes to indulge themselves. That little bit of choccy on the top is an indication that under the high-energy exterior lays a big ol’ softy at heart.

The Half-Strength Decaf Latte – This person buys their Halloween costume off the rack every year. They want to be included in the festivities, but lack the natural gift for throwing together a costume from scratch. It’s hard to know whether to judge them for falling short or commend them for giving it a red-hot go despite themselves.

The Iced Coffee (365 days a year) – This person is not to be trusted. Anyone
who chooses their coffee in the form of bone-chillingly cold in the middle of winter is either a sociopath, or has been victim to a too-hot beverage mishap in the past. They’re either up to something or they’re clumsy – beware.

The Large Almond Milk Mocha – This person has straight-up self-love and they have the income to indulge it. They’re ordering this monstrosity as loud as they can so that everyone in the vicinity knows that they are comfortable enough to pay more than a fiver for a coffee that is essentially no-longer a coffee.

The Latte – This person is just here for the caffeine. They’ve come to terms with their socially accepted substance addiction and they just want to get on with it without any unnecessary fuss or trimmings. They will dabble in the black coffee game in the first few weeks of the New Year, but ultimately come back to basics.

The Three-Quart Flat White – This person hates being told what to do. They are essentially ordering a coffee that already exists, the piccolo, but they’re doing it their way. This person is generally ahead of the trends. They were using Earpods before people stopped laughing about the idea and actually got on board.